


let no one in, love on a whim

by Tkhan0



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, I dont go into much detail tho, Unrequited Love, honestly it was just an excuse for me to do another chapter 5 introspection fic, its ouma-centric, oh boy another chapter 5 fic, other characters are mostly mentioned, surprise surprise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 01:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12901023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tkhan0/pseuds/Tkhan0
Summary: Kokichi wonders if maybe he didn’t already have poison in his veins long before Maki shot him.





	let no one in, love on a whim

**Author's Note:**

> Goddammit this got posted before i was done, so sorry whoever read it before lol. Also changed the title cause the previous one (love is a vile thing) was just a placeholder lol and im pretty sure it had been used before and thats no good so...
> 
> Yea I really wanted to write a chapter 5 fic but I also wanted to do the whole love motif so you get this terrible fic that i wrote at 5 in the morning.

It was funny, Kokichi thought, how many negative feelings and actions started with the letter L.

Not so funny how many he could recognize in himself. Lies, lust, loathing.

_Loneliness._

He let out a bitter laugh at the last one, Shuichi’s words echoing back at him.

_“You’re alone, and you always will be.”_

Of course he was alone. Even if that hadn’t been his goal in the first place, it’s not like he deserved otherwise. Friendship wasn’t suited for a villain like him. Only protagonists had a right to friendship. If loneliness was a side effect of becoming the villain-  _of becoming a monster_ \- it was only fitting. Being buddy-buddy with everyone wasn’t going to end the killing game- not when there was a traitor among them at least. He won’t delude himself into believing he’d be open with everyone or that he wouldn’t lie, but maybe in another world he at least wouldn’t have had to become the villain.

He doesn't bother with that now though, his plan is already in motion.

There was one emotion that trumped even loneliness, however. One that was far more destructive, possessive,  _sadistic_. It was the worst offender by far.  

 **Love**.

Love was by far the most cruel and merciless of the L- words. His lies could never compare to the harshness of love. Letting yourself love- or be loved- was only setting you up for pain. Despair. He’d watched from afar the true cruelty of the way love toyed with his classmates. He wondered how anyone could think him worse than that. Hadn’t they all seen it for themselves?

Shuichi’s love for Kaede just caused more pain at her death. Kirumi’s love for her country led her to murder. Tenko’s unwavering love for Himiko had cost her her life. Himiko’s reciprocation of that love only made the loss hurt more, even if she refused to show it. Even Kiyo’s weird love led to his demise by his lover’s own hands.

And it was no secret Maki’s love for Kaito would only cause her pain in the long run. Everyone’s favorite hero didn’t have as much time left as he pretended.

Love was debilitating; a curse.

And yet the irony that he had let it take hold of him wasn’t lost on him.

He had let it take him, consume him like the vines that once covered parts of the school. He would do anything to get the object of his affection to give him the time of day. He made the offer before the fourth trial, knowing it was hopeless, but he was desperate and had to try. He wasn't surprised when he was denied, even if was as painful as learning the truth of the outside world. He ignored the heavy weight he felt in his chest at Shuichi’s denial.

* * *

His heart had lurched painfully at the way Gonta was so quick to take the blame.  _No!_  he had thought,  _it shouldn’t be you! it didn’t have to come to this._ He tried to share the blame with him, tried to atone, but Gonta, that kind idiot, stopped him, asked him to promise to get along with everyone.

He said yes because a kind lie was the only thing he had left to offer Gonta. Nothing will make up for sentencing him to death, and Kokichi was left wondering why he let himself get cold feet when this was all part of his plan. Gonta dies and he puts the mask back on, plays the part of villain in full force, he can’t afford to stop now, he’s already sacrificed so much.

He feigned indifference when Shuichi casually threw those harsh words at him- when Shuichi told him the truth- because it was too painful to hear those words coming from him. His chest had tightened painfully at the thought.

* * *

His plan was on an increased timeline now due to Maki's interference. He cant help but wonder how things wouldve been different if she hadn't come along when she did.

He knows it wouldnt have changed much though. He had to die for this to work. He was already going to die if the weight in his chest was any indication. He would never have been given the love and validation he needed to prevent that.

_Only heroes died loved._

And he knew that in the end he and Kaito would never be on the same ground. Kaito, who so effortlessly believed in others and gathered people around him like moths to a light. Kaito who was completely oblivious to Maki’s love for him. Kaito who was the hero.

Kaito who may’ve been the only one left not stupid enough to fall prey to love.

It’s with a strong sense of irony that Kokichi knows he’ll die, his love never returned, while Kaito will die the hero who everyone loved without him needing- or attempting- to reciprocate it.

He’s coughing now, the noise bodily and harsh even to his ears, a mess of leaves, petals, and blood on the press beside him, and distantly he thinks it’s fitting that the one he loves will never see it just as much as he’ll never reciprocate his love.

 Kokichi wonders if maybe he didn’t already have poison in his veins long before Maki shot him. If he wasn’t already toxic long before he let love consume him.

In a way, he guesses he should thank her for giving him a reason to speed up his plans up, because at this point he’s unsure which would kill him first if he wasn’t already planning to die by press. He can feel the tendrils squeezing his heart and wrapping around his lungs painfully. He needs to go through with this before he doesn’t get the chance to.

He knows being crushed to death is the easy way out. Being crushed to death was better than the crushing feeling of loneliness that was literally and figuratively wrapped around his heart. He knows he deserves it.  But Shuichi doesn’t. Even Maki doesn’t deserve to be punished for the villain’s death. The fact that Kaito might die too if his plan fails is just collateral damage, a risk he couldn’t avoid. Kokichi takes little comfort in the fact that Kaito will probably not last much longer anyway.

Breathing is beyond difficult now and he’s  _exhausted._  The jacket beneath him is now cold against his body, and he can barely register it against his back.

“K…aito…” he manages to wheeze out, and hates how much it sounds like he’s giving up-  _how close to the truth it is-_ “I’m ready.”

There’s a moment of silence and Kokichi makes a herculean effort to raise his head, only succeeding enough to get a glimpse of the look on Kaito’s face. It’s a pained expression, Kokichi assumes from his sickness, or maybe the poison is still lingering in his system,  _but hey_ , he figures,  _I’m dying so I can let myself pretend he regrets having to sentence me to death_. He’d never let himself believe anyone felt bad about executing a murderer, even if he was only one by proxy.

Yet there was no mistaking the sorrow in Kaito’s voice as he lets out a quiet apology. “I’m sorry it had to come to this…” And Kokichi takes comfort in the fact he means it, despite everything. “I can’t forgive you but… you don’t deserve this. I’ll make sure your death isn’t in vain.” The conviction in his voice is clear and Kokichi finally lets himself relax, as the threat of death looms closer. He’s not needed anymore; his role is over. He lets himself have the small delusion that he’s at peace with himself. That he doesn’t mind that his beloved hates him. That he doesn’t mind that nobody will miss him. That he’s okay with dying. He doesn’t have a choice anymore anyway. He didn’t have a choice the moment he let himself love.

He hears the click of the press and doesn’t have to wait long for the end to come.

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry. Usually I’m the one asking why anyone would do this to me but I did this to myself by writing this… what have I done… I apologize for anyone who actually read that all. Still, I hope someone liked it.


End file.
